Keyboard constipation

It's like the opposite of keyboard diarrhoea. Every time I've thought about sitting down and writing something, I've managed to find a way to distract myself and thus, save myself the trouble of trying to think of something to actually write about. And it seems, the longer I stay away, the harder it is to come back. I can't guarantee that I'll be back here too often at this stage, but I'll try anyway.

I've been feeling a bit down lately. Been doing a lot of thinking about all the things I want to do and wondering how I'm going to find the time to do them all. I mean, I could try and do everything but I think I'd have to find a way to survive without sleep at the same time. Heh, maybe I should add that to my to do list as well. Sure would be handy to have an extra 6 or 7 hours every day to get more done.

Sigh, I'm not really sure what I'm trying to get at here. I've got plenty of thoughts screaming around inside my head but they don't seem to want to come out in a coherent fashion at the moment so maybe I should just leave it at this for now and try again in a few days. Total bummer of a post hey? Damn you, keyboard constipation...

Results are in!

I have to admit, I was a little bit afraid to check my results. I was pretty certain I'd stuffed up sections 2 and/or 3. I got the results email on my phone while I was at work and I tried logging in on my phone but for some reason, I couldn't view the results page. So I figured I'd leave it until I got home since those results weren't going anywhere. And leaving it until I got home meant I could delay the disappointment that I was pretty sure was inevitable.

So imagine my surprise when I finally got home, logged into the Acer candidate site and saw this:

In case any of that is unreadable, S1 - 69, S2 - 60, S3 - 57, Overall - 61.

Nowhere near as bad as I expected. Cool huh? For starters, none of the numbers starts with a 4! Yay! I was so sure I'd have at least one or two failed sections after I came out of the exam. My essays were embarrassing, and I had a pounding headache throughout most of the science section which made it pretty damn hard to think or focus on the questions. Never be too proud or stubborn to take a panadol!

Oh well. I'm glad the wait is over and I'm sure I'm not the only one. I've been actively trying not to think or dwell too much on the GAMSAT and the results seeing as I only intended this to be a practice run. It's difficult not to get caught up in the excitement of it all though, especially since I started visiting the Paging Dr forums again. Congratulations to everyone who got the scores they were hoping for and I wish you all the best for the rest of the application process.

For me, I'm not going to apply this year since I've got a couple of things I want to do next year which are probably not compatible with med school. I don't want to have to make the choice if I apply and by some miracle, I actually get an offer.

So next year, I will be putting myself through all this again. I'm hoping that I'll be more prepared and less nervous. I want to improve my section 2 and section 3 scores but knowing my luck, I'll probably screw up section 1 to make up for it. Eh, you win some, you lose some right? As long as my overall score improves and I don't fail any sections, I won't complain. Much.

Things to remember for GAMSAT 2012

It's been about 3 weeks since the GAMSAT. Since I walked out of the testing centre, I've just been bumming around and relaxing. And playing with my new phone. I've found some new addictive games to play so with all this free time on my hands, I'm damn well going to play them and enjoy them...

I haven't been totally slack though. I've spent some time thinking about and processing the whole GAMSAT experience and I'd like to write down some of the things I want to remember for next time because you can bet that I'll have forgotten just about everything by the time the next GAMSAT rolls around.

Try to relax the day before
I spent the day before doing a practice exam but all that really helped to do was wind me up and get me even more nervous than I needed to be.

Sleep!
The night before the GAMSAT, I went to bed about an hour earlier than usual and couldn't sleep. Not sleeping the night before an exam isn't the greatest idea but obviously, my brain didn't get the memo on that one.

More essay practice
My essays were quite lame and repetitive. And short. Ugh. I feel for the people who have to actually read my essays and mark them. Or maybe they're laughing at them for being so sad and incoherent. How embarrassing. Oh well. Nothing I can do about it now except to improve on my essay writing skills...

More science prep
The science section was quite tough and I was definitely under prepared going into it but then, I was kind of expecting that. The study that I did manage to fit in helped but it wasn't enough. Especially for the organic chemistry questions. I think I ended up guessing most of those. And the physics questions too. Actually, when I think about it, I probably guessed more than half the questions in section III so I'm not looking forward to getting my results back for that.

Panadol
So after a sleepless night and extreme nervousness, I was all hyped up on adrenalin. It got me through the morning but by the time the afternoon rolled around, I had a massive headache. And I didn't have any panadol with me. Hell, I was actually considering taking one at lunch cause I had the beginnings of a headache but then I convinced myself that it was fine and that I didn't need one. Which is why a couple of questions into section III, my head was pounding and I was finding it damn difficult to concentrate. Heh. So next time, I will take a panadol if I feel like a headache is coming on and I will bring some to the exam anyway, just in case...

Chill out once the exam is over
I'm not too worried or stressed about the results or when they're coming out. I'm just relieved that it's all over for now and I won't have to worry about it again until later on this year when I have to start preparing again. But for now, I'm just going to let my brain melt for a little bit... Heh.

I survived GAMSAT 2011!

Yay! Although, I wasn't feeling so yay the night before and the day of. I tried going to bed early. I really did. But I just couldn't sleep. I think I must have gotten about 2 hours of sleep the whole damn night. The rest of it I spent tossing and turning and trying to stay calm and not panic. Did you know that panic and sleep don't go together very well? No? Well I didn't either until I tried to mix the two. I decided to give up my pathetic attempts at sleep at about 6am since I figured if I did actually manage to fall asleep somehow, I'd probably sleep past the start of the exam. I don't think I got more than two hours of interrupted broken sleep altogether but hey, nobody said trying to get into medicine was going to be easy right?

I arrived at the test centre at about 8:20 and there was a line of people out the door. Goody. I got in line and stood there for about 15 mins waiting to register, listening to other people in the line stressing and trying my damndest not to run the hell away from there. I didn't give in to that instinct though and eventually, I got in and settled down in my seat. When the exam started, I managed to put the nerves aside and concentrate on section 1.

Looking back, I think section 1 was the easiest part of the whole exam. I finished it with about 10 or 15 mins to spare. It was still pretty difficult though and I don't really know whether I understood everything as I was meant to or not. I guess I'll find out in May.

Section 2. Ummm... The less said about this one, the better. Let's just say I need to do a hell of a lot more work on my essay writing.

Section 3 was a bit better in that I didn't have to string words and sentences into something coherent. But it was a hell of a lot harder than any practice questions I did. I'm pretty sure I didn't do very well in this section at all. The science study that I did in preparation did help a bit when there were questions that were related to what I'd learned. Unfortunately, there weren't enough of those to make me think I could possibly pass this section. And the headache that made it's presence known about 10 mins into this section sure didn't help either. I can probably thank the sleepless night I had for that one.

So yeah. Be interesting to see the results but I'm pretty sure I'll be back for another round of GAMSAT goodness in 2012...

Worst. Night. Ever.

That is all.

Can't sleep, clown'll eat me :(

WHY MUST YOU CLOWNS TORMENT ME???? ARRRGGGHHH!!!

Dammit Google, stop being so smart!

I signed up for a gmail account and used an email address that I had previously created a google account with. Google has decided that since I now have a gmail account linked to this address, everything that I ever used this other Google account for will now be taken over by my gmail account! Arrgghh! That was particularly annoying when I logged into my Khan academy account and found I'd lost all my medals and points and progress. I managed to fix that one but now I've found my blog has been moved over to my gmail account too and I can't change that. Oh well, guess it's not the end of the world. Yet.

The reason I signed up to gmail was because I got a new Android phone and now I'm Googlising my life. Yes, Google is taking over the world. My world anyway. It's already my home page and the place I go whenever I want to find anything on the internet. I haven't willingly gone to another search engine for years (though I do sometimes install something that changes my home page to another search engine, which I promptly remove). I love you Google, why won't you love me back???

Anyway, my new phone is awesome. I got a HTC Desire HD. It's a big change from my old Nokia, which is about 3 years old now. It's so shiny and pretty and there are games! Games I can actually play and enjoy on the huge touch screen! Plus, there are so many features to explore and things to customise! Oh boy! I knew I should have waited until after the GAMSAT to buy this phone. I do have one deterrent that's keeping me from spending too much time on my new phone right now. I don't have a screen protector and cover for it yet. And in true Asian fashion, I'm scared of scratching or damaging it in any way and I want to keep it in pristine condition for as long as I can. Did I mention that I kept the little plastic screen sticker on my last phone until only about a month or so ago? The only reason I took it off was because one corner of it was starting to peel up and collect yucky stuff under it. Yes, I have issues... No, the sticker peeling off was not the catalyst to me getting this new phone. Not that I'm willing to admit anyway :)

Hello GAMSAT ticket

My GAMSAT ticket arrived in my inbox the other day. My stomach did the whole somersault/backflip/dropping out of my body thing that it does every time I think about the GAMSAT. Thanks, stomach, I really needed you to do that. Again.

I'm really looking forward to getting through it so that I can relax again...

At the risk of repeating myself...

Holy smokes, 30 minutes flies just flies when you're trying to squeeze a whole essay into (or out of) it. Why can't my work days pass like this?? Especially those long Friday afternoons where one minute can seem like an hour and the weekend is so tantalisingly close you can almost smell it.

I think it's the effect of adrenalin. I do have the occasional day at work where time does go by quickly, but they're mostly because I'm trying to meet some deadline that's looming in the next day or so. Or the next hour or so. Those are fun. I am an adrenalin junkie... Maybe that's the real reason I'm doing the GAMSAT even though I'm pretty certain my score will be embarrassingly crap. When you think of it this way, it's actually pretty cost effective. A ride at an amusement park or show will cost about $5-$15 dollars for a few minutes of stomach churning, dizzying, adrenalin inducing fun. For $374, I'll get 5.5. hours of gut twisting, panic inducing exam. And let's not forget the weeks of stress beforehand. Bargain! Dunno why I didn't do this before!

Oh well, 24 days and all this will be over for this year. I'll take a week or two off and let my brain melt a bit before going back to studying the sciences and reading the news and writing more so I can be better prepared for next year. I look forward to it actually. I'm enjoying learning something new every day. I don't think I could go back to the days when I just goofed off on facebook or whatever, playing games to kill time. It reminds me of how I felt back when I was studying for my first degree. I feel a lot more switched on and I think it shows through in my work and every day life too. I hope that I will get into med school one day but even if I don't, I know I've benefited from going on this journey anyway.

Pinch and a punch?

It's the 1st of March already! How did that happen?? Well, goodbye summer, we hardly saw any decent summer weather this year. Maybe you'll do better next year hey?

I tried writing an essay today. My first essay in about 8 years. I gave myself 30 mins to write it and damn did that time pass quick. Holy crap. And I'm not even going to say too much about what I actually managed to produce during this time. Let's just say I looked at the quotes, got the theme and then went off on a rambling, repetitive tangent that was only vaguely related to part of the theme. And I didn't get to a conclusion. 'Twas a bit hard to wrangle a conclusion out my rambling thoughts since I'd kinda lost the plot by the end of the 30 mins.

Oh well, I've got about 3 weeks to brush up my writing skills a bit. Maybe next time, I'll try and focus more on the task at hand and less on the new phone I want to buy. Damn you, distracting technology!!

Not dead, just panicking

Well, I've been quietly freaking out since I registered to do the GAMSAT. The quiet freaking is because I haven't really told anyone other than my husband and one of my sisters that I'm doing this. I figure since this is probably going to be a practice run for me, I don't need to tell anyone else just yet. I could just imagine all my friends and relatives if/when they hear about my plans...

"How are your studies going dear?"

"Have you got your results yet?"

"Did you get into med school"

"Why do you want to give up IT for medicine anyway?"

"Have ya though about going into accounting/forestry/tap dancing instead?"

"Geez you're crazy. Craaaazyyy I tells ya"

Yeah, definitely don't want to hear any of that just yet.

I've been looking through the lists of things that other people have studied or thought they needed to study for previous GAMSATs and that's been another source of worry for me. Coming from an IT background, it's been quite awhile since I've done anything science related. I'll probably do a prep course before trying this again next year but I want to get an idea of what I need to work on before I do that.

Anyway, I'd better stop procrastinating here and get back to doing some study so that when 26/3 comes along, I don't feel like I've walked into a foreign language exam by mistake.

Thunderstorms and wii

 1. Big thunder storms came through this afternoon and dumped a heap of rain here. I was at work for most of it unfortunately but since I sit next to a window, I got to see some of it coming down. Unfortunately, there's a building next door to us so I only got to see the rain coming down and not the lightning that was flashing through the sky.

2. Had a nice evening with my sister. She came over and we all went for a swim and then had dinner and played some Wii sports resort games. Now I'm all sore and tired... Damn, I'm unfit...

Chinese New Year!

Well, Chinese New Year eve anyway. Tomorrow is Chinese New Year. I should have taken the day off, but I didn't. Oh well. I'm not in the habit of taking days off just for the hell of it anyway. I'd much rather save my leave up for holidays...

So it looks like I have less than 2 months now to get my science knowledge up to a decent level. This is going to be fun seeing as I haven't actually touched anything remotely resembling chemistry, physics or biology since oh, let's say high school? Oh well. I've started going through a chemistry text and it's amazing how quickly it's all coming back to me though. In fact, some of the stuff I've been learning lately is stuff that I was meant to have learned in high school but never did. I just hope it'll be enough to be of some use to me in the GAMSAT...

Good things that happened today:

1. Steamboat dinner with my family to celebrate the coming new year. I ate about twice as much as I should have and I wish I could have fit even more in! I love steamboat and I look forward to it every year. Oh man, I'm getting hungry just thinking about it. The soup, the fresh prawns, mushrooms, fish, cabbage, fish balls and other goodies that my parents always put in... *drools*

2. Peanut cuddles! What can I say? I'm totally in love with my gorgeous little Peanut! So much that I'm turning into one of THOSE parents. You know, the ones that never shut the hell up about their kids? Yeah, I'm becoming one of those. So sue me. He's adorable and I can't help myself :)

Count me in

I just registered and paid to do the GAMSAT this year. What have I got to lose right? Other than $374...

Hot and sunny with more of the same to come

1. Took Peanut to the pool today. I don't think he enjoyed it much. However, it was a 37 degree day and we have this nice pool in our complex that we hardly ever use, so he was damn well going swimming whether he liked it or not...

2. Had home made pizza for dinner. We took the easy way out and used pita bread for the bases but it was damn tasty nonetheless. Used some of the fresh basil and oregano we have growing out on our balcony now and it was food heaven! Gosh, I'm getting hungry just thinking about it...

Looking forward to tomorrow. 38 degrees and sunny and windy. Bring it on Summer!

Oh yes, and I think I'll register for the GAMSAT tomorrow. If the butterflies in my tummy don't kidnap me and spirit me off somewhere with no internet access...

*sneeze*sneeze*cough*cough*

So very tired and I think I'm coming down with something so I'm going to keep this short and sweet.

My mind isn't 100% made up but I think I'm going to go for it. What have I got to lose right?

Good things:

1. My family is back from holidays after being away for over a month. Woo hoo!

2. Apparently Peanut has grown a lot while they were away. Double yay, since we're trying to get him to put on weight so that he won't be the shrimpy little kid that everyone picks on...

Indecision

I haven't decided what to do yet. When I have more time tomorrow, I'll write out my for and against arguments and we'll go from there. 

And now for the happy happy joy joy...

1. First orchestra rehearsal for the year today. It was nice to see everyone again and to have a go at playing some new music. I can tell I'm going to need to try and fit in more practice during the week. But hey, the challenge is what makes it so much fun right?

2. We turned Peanut's car seat around today so that it faces the front now. Aww, he's growing up so fast. I'm glad that we can see him when we're driving now. It sucks when the baby seat faces the back because you have no idea what's going on back there when you're driving.

Do I or don't I?

The GAMSAT registration closes in a few days. 2nd of Feb to be exact. I haven't registered yet. At this point, I'm not sure if I can do it. I know I'm nowhere near ready to take the exam. Just the thought of it is enough to give me heart palpitations...

*Okay, breathe Quin. Just breathe*

Am I crazy for wanting to do this? It's a lot of money and I'm certain that if I do this, it will be a practice for me so I can get an idea of how much more preparation I need to do for next year. So why am I so damn nervous and ready to run for the hills at the thought of it?? I think I'm out of practice with taking exams. I damn near had a panic attack when I did a music theory exam a couple of years ago. And that one was easy. I prepared for months before and I knew the exam format backwards. And I was still a nervous wreck. I can't imagine what I'll be like going into the GAMSAT where I'll have paid a heap more money to sit an exam that has so much more riding on it. Holy cow. I'll be reduced to a quivering puddle of nerves on the floor under my desk.

Arghh. Okay. I have a couple more days to (over)think about this. I'll make my decision by the end of this weekend. Onto the good stuff.

Today's good things:

1. Mid term performance review at work today. My supervisor is happy with my work and thinks I do more than would be expected for a part timer. Yay! It's nice to be appreciated and to feel like my contribution is being noticed :)

2. It's Friday! As much as I enjoy my job (most of the time) it's great when the end of the week comes. A whole weekend of Peanut and family and friends... What could be better?

Sydney trip

Took Peanut to Sydney today to see the speech pathologist, audiologist and ENT. All is well and hopefully, we won't be doing anymore trips to Sydney for awhile. Now that he's older and a hell of a lot more active, Peanut doesn't like enjoy being cooped up in the car anymore. Heh. Can't really blame him either. His car seat looks pretty uncomfortable and it's boring when you don't have anything to do. Maybe it's time D and I learned how to sing more nursery rhymes. Off key twinkle twinkle anyone??

Good stuff that happened today:

1. Peanut can hear and his ears look good. Woo! Let's hope they stay that way.
2. I got a video of Peanut picking his nose... Muahahaha. Will have to save that one til his 21st :)

Ahh, I'm such an evil mum...

Trying to change my tune

I've come to a realisation. I complain a lot and have quite a negative attitude towards life in general. So, in an effort to stop this becoming my on-whine journal where I go to bitch about all the bad things that happen to me, I'm going to try and change track a little. Instead of obsessing about the things that get me down in the dumps, I'm going to start focusing on the good things in my life.

To help me pay more attention to the good things in my life, I will write about at least 2 good things that happen to me every day, no matter how mundane they may seem to other people. So if you don't want to read about the boring minutiae of my day, RUN! Quickly now! Get outta here before I start rambling!

Okay, still here? Let's do this then...

Good thing number 1: I slept in, got to work late, and still managed to get an awesome car park. Woo hoo! Usually by the time I get to work, the car park is chock full of people creatively parking on every square inch possible, which sucks for me since my car parking skills are pretty fail...

Good thing number 2: Peanut gave me 2 hugs today while I was just sitting on the floor watching him run around. He's just the sweetest little bub...

Dear so and so

We turned up unannounced on our way to another commitment because we thought you were leaving in the next day or two and we wanted to say goodbye.

As is usually the case when we turn up, my darling was spirited away to go take care of some technical task or problem that no one else could/wanted to take care of.

But it turns out that the rest of the family was due to turn up soon too. You had invited them over for a farewell dinner, and you didn't tell us about it.

Then you had the audacity to chuck a hissy fit while we were in the other room because you thought you had to cater to us as well. Yes, I could hear you. The walls weren't sound-proofed enough to contain your high pitched bitching.

Well here's news for you. We weren't planning to stay. But thanks for excluding us and doing it with such class too. There's nothing more subtle than throwing money at your parents to cover the cost of the extra meals that we weren't staying around for.

We'll relieve you of our unwanted presence so you can have your farewell in peace. We know when we're not wanted and we wouldn't dream of staying and ruining your night.

If it had been my family that did this, I would have stayed and caused a scene and let you all know exactly what I thought of the whole situation.

My darling is way too nice to do that though. So I will follow his lead and swallow my anger for now.

I see the hurt in his eyes though when he realises his family has used him and then excluded him once again. And yet, he never says no when you ask him for help.

But know this. I see the way you and your family treat him and take advantage of him when it's convenient for you and the way you brush him aside when you're done with him. This is not the first time and it probably won't be the last either.

As our son grows up and starts to understand more, I will be more reluctant to put him in situations where he can see his dad being taken advantage of. I don't want him growing up thinking that it's okay to be treated like this. If we don't seem to come around as often anymore, I hope you understand why.

Love Quin